And she pinned Love to her board of to-dos…
(Please note: the following blog entry is a definite whine-a-palooza. If you hear “WAAAAA!” in the back of your brain while reading, don’t be alarmed. That’s just me.)
I have the dire need for some cathartic blogging relief. However, I’m not sure what to actually write about. So I’ll just write, and see where it takes me.
Today was kind of a bad day, not for any particular reason that seriously rocked my day, but for a few different reasons. Mostly my day was bad, because life is trying to tell me something, or my brain is (or God, whichever you would prefer to read) I have a feeling that what it is trying to say is that something needs to give, or to change. It definitely pointed out that I am in a weird place right now, in almost every aspect of my life. Relationships, friendships, school, work, family, self awareness. All weird. But the part that has been on my mind as of late is my love life.
I’ve been out of my last relationship long enough that I don’t want him back, or miss him; yet, my view of love changed quite a bit. I suppose that happens when someone plays you for a fool. I’m not sure what I want in a man anymore, or if I want to date at all. The cynic in me (along with a creepy old palm reader) says that in the end, despite the fact that I’ll have loved many, I will end up alone. The hopeless romantic in me says that there will come a day when I will meet my match in a man, and be blown away. It’s like the scene from the cartoon with the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Except on one of my shoulders is me as an old maid who looks strangely like Tweety Bird’s caretaker, and on the other shoulder a version of me, that I can’t even imagine. What gives? I wanna see what happily-ever-after me looks like.
I have met quite a few new guys, and yet only one seems to stick out in my mind as a possible anything-other-than-just-a-cute-boy. Why only one? I want tons. Is it because he’s not from here? Do I need to move out so badly that my brain automatically vetoes anyone who lives here? Sigh. Maybe it’s because: just because. That happens. Just because happens. Maybe good things will come from it, maybe bad, maybe nothing in either direction. All just because.
What really matters is this: my pillow is calling to my sleepy head. And my eyes are trying to fall to the floor.
Goodnight.
Ex’s & Oh’s
Me
